You Found Me
by prizoner058
Summary: Tara dies and becomes a white-lighter and isn't allowed to see Willow, but that doesn't mean that Willow can't see her
1. Grief

**I know that it it is the same as seeing red in season 6 but i thought that i should back track a bit. Btw i don't own anything.

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Willow basked in the embrace of her girlfriend, Tara. She stared into her crystal blue eyes and was in total awe of her lob-sided smile that she had missed so much during the two months that they spent apart. They separated as Tara looked out the window at their previously arguing friends Xander and Buffy and she knew that Xander had come to apologize to her. Willow had noticed the joy in the air and knew how Tara felt and instantly felt the same way

The two of them turned to face each other and a few moments later were startled by gunshots. Almost the instant that the first shot was fired the last one left the barrel of the gun and flew through the window directly behind Tara. The bullet sped through Tara's chest and ripped into her heart. The impact caused blood to splatter all over Willows white shirt.

"Your shirt?" Tara said as she fell to the floor

"Tara!" Willow screamed dropping to her knees and holding onto her girlfriend, "Tara, baby no!"

As she clung to the lifeless body of her beloved soul mate she began to call on Osiris. She argued with the "keeper of the gates" to bring Tara back to her but as she did this Tara watched in utter grief. Not in grief of the fact that she had just lost her life but in grief that Willow had just lost her. Also in grief to the fact that because Willow had just lost her lover she turned to magic to deal with it, magic; the very thing that caused Tara to leave Willow for those agonizing 2 months. Tara stood there in the room and watched her girlfriend hold onto the body that she once inhabited. Leaning down to place a placating hand on Willow's shoulder she found that her spirit hand simply went through the shoulder of her sobbing lover.

As soon Willow left the room the last bit of life that Tara was clinging on to faded away, and so did she. In that exact moment that the familiar room that she had spent so much time in faded away she found herself surrounded by blinding white lights and people in gold robes talking amongst themselves. After her eyes adjusted to the light a man wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, instead of the gold fabric that surrounded her, walked up to her.

"I know that it can be kind of disorienting but you'll get used to it eventually," He smiled and offered his hand. Tara took it hesitantly, "My name is Leo." He began to lead her towards large double doors at the head of the huge white room.

"I-I'm T-Tara." She said with the stutter that she had before she met Willow, and it now had come back since she had lost her, "I-Is th-this… am I in h-h-heaven?" She asked completely dumbstruck

"No," Leo said to the complete disbelief of the blonde standing next to him, "Well not really," he quickly added, "You died but you have been given a second chance to do the same type of work that you were doing when you were alive." They continued to walk down the long hallway and finally reached the double doors, "Well this is where I leave you, but I will see you again soon, but first the elders are through this door, they will explain everything to you, feel free to ask questions but don't interrupt them.

With those words he dematerialized into blue lights and the doors opened.


	2. Explanation

Chapter 2: Explanation

Slowly but surely Tara made her way to the round table at the center of the room that was surrounded by 10 figures, all of them in the same gold robes as earlier but these robes were somehow different. They had more of a shine to them which clearly ranked them as higher up on the authority list. Tara suddenly felt very humbled in her blue t-shirt and jeans. Hastily she opened her mouth to speak but was instantly cut off by a gentle voice that said "Do you know why you are here, my dear?"

The way that the unnamed voice had asked this question made Tara feel uneasy, although she didn't know why. In that moment all she wanted was Willow and although she knew that it wasn't the answer to the question all she could get her tiny timid voice to say was, "Willow? Where is Willow?"

The robed figures, elders as Leo had referred to them as, just stared at each other with a look of discontent. The woman who had spoken earlier had obviously decided to keep quiet now and let someone else handle the situation. This time a male voice came through the crowd and beckoned her forward. "Come look my child." He said pointing to the table covered in images, "Do you wish to see Willow?" Tara could only nod in fear that if she spoke she would begin to sob. The elder waved his arm over the table and there she was only she wasn't Willow. Her hair and eyes had gone pitch black and she was walking through the forest calling out to someone, but Tara could only hear white noise.

"What is she doing? Why is she in the forest? What is she saying? What happened to her hair?" She was silenced by a hand and some chuckling and during this time she realized that she didn't stutter once. She didn't stutter because something was wrong with Willow and she wanted to know what.

The man who had asked her to come look at these horrifying images began his explanation with, "One step at a time my dear now…" he looked down at the table and pointed out the things that Tara had asked about, "First of all she is looking for Warren."

"That nerd guy why, what does she want with W-" The elder gestured her to look at the table which showed a totally different scene. IT was Buffy's back yard and Warren had walked in caring a hand gun. Instantly she realized that they were images from the past and looked away as the white noise turned into the very clear sound of gunshots. Tara looked down at her shirt to see the circular blood stain above her heart and began to speak with a melancholy tone to her voice, "Oh. Oh my god! But she- Why is she- She doesn't have to-. I g-guess that explains th-the h-hair and h-her e-eyes and everything else." Tears began to sting at her eyes and she let them fall down her cheeks for what seemed to be an eternity. She began to speak again with an antsy tone in her voice, "Why am I here?" she began and the woman who silenced herself before revealed her face to speak. She was an ordinary looking woman with brown eyes and brown hair, she had a rounded nose and big ears, but she appeared to be nice enough.

The woman began to speak, "We have watched you in your mortal life and you have done a great deal of good, despite the hardships that you have been through, so for all intents and purposes we are giving you a second chance at life," Tara instantly began to feel the joy run through her body but it was short lived, "But with some restraints."


	3. Limitation

Chapter 3: Limitation

"W-what k-kind of limitations?" Tara asked as her heart sank into her stomach. As soon as she asked this she felt dumb because she knew exactly what the elders meant by limitations; the one thing that she would have a problem with. She would not be allowed to see her old friends. No Buffy, Dawn, Anya, Xander, or Giles. Her eyes welled with tears as she thought of the last name, the beautiful emerald green eyes and flaming red hair flashing into her mind. No Willow.

Just as she had suspected this was exactly what the elders meant and a new voice that had a very deep godly tone continued the explanation, "You will not be allowed to contact anyone from your mortal life." Her heart sank just a little further, "However with this one drawback you will be given other advantages. For instance you will get to keep your wiccan powers and you will also be given the power of orbing and the power of healing."

"So what exactly is my purpose now?"


	4. Purpose

Chapter 4: Purpose

"Well," the brunette woman begun again, "You will be given charges, people that you will need to look after using your powers. Orbing will allow you to go to them whenever they call for you, and healing is self-explanatory."

"Ok so wh-who are my ch-charges?" Tara felt that she might as well embrace this new life that she is being given and make the most of it, but she felt incomplete and out of place. So she pushed her stutters away by making herself think of Willow to the point that she could almost feel the presence of her red haired companion (although at the moment it is black, but she told herself only to think of the Willow that she knew). With all of this concentrating on nothing but her former girlfriend made the elders talking in the background barely a dull roar in Tara's preoccupied mind. Through the din she did hear a few words; "Most powerful witches" and "Charmed Ones." Tara had no idea who those people were so she had to ask. However she felt timid about it because she feared that the elders had already explained it to her and she hadn't been paying attention.

The question was closer to a statement than an inquiry because all she could muster up from her vocal chords was "Charmed ones?" with a rather confused look on her face. All of the elders looked at each other and burst into a fit of uneasy chuckles

"The Charmed Ones are the most powerful witches in the entire world," a new husky voice started with a 'matter-of-fact' tone that was slightly annoying, "How could you have been a witch and never have heard of the power of three?" This simple rhetorical question made Tara feel like she was ignorant and her only reply was a shrug. The rough voiced man continued, "Well your past doesn't matter now all that matters is these three witches are now too powerful for only one whitelighter to take the responsibility for them. Given your experience we decided that you would be the best person to help Leo with the three women. Tara's mind flashed to the man who had led her to the doors, dirty blonde hair, almost brown, and very tall. He had broad shoulders and a comforting smile.

"Wait is he the one who t-took m-me to you?" asked Tara shakily although she already knew the answer. All of the elders simply nodded in unison. And with that a flash of blue light appeared in the corner and Leo materialized.

He stepped forward with a smile and nod to Tara before turning to the elders "You jingled?" he asked in a nonchalant tone.

Yes we want you to take Tara to meet the charmed ones, teach her how to orb, heal, and sense for danger. With a nod Leo offered his hand to Tara and she took it trustingly. She blinked and when she opened her eyes she was in a different room and her head was spinning. Leo immediately led her to the couch so she could sit down and regain her composure. Leo coughed and Tara looked up from holding her head between her legs with a pale face as Leo began to speak. "Yeah, the orbing is kind of nauseating the first few times, but you get used to it." He looked around and then exhaled deeply so that his cheeks puffed out and Tara couldn't help but smile. Once again he opened his mouth and started to speak. "So, this is the Halliwell manor; feared by demons and respected by all good magic. Uh... so the sisters should be home in a few minutes so you might as well practice your orbing while we are just sitting here.


	5. Practice

Chapter 5: Practice

Leo went into the garage to get a hula-hoop so that Tara could have an actual destination to concentrate on. Leo moved the table 'just in case' Tara crashed but that statement didn't reassure her. With the hula-hoop at the opposite end of the room Tara was told to concentrate on where she wanted to be. She concentrated on the hula-hoop and began to dematerialized in swarms of blue lights, she could tell that she was almost to the hula-hoop at the end of the room but instantly her surroundings began to change. It was a dark forest and Tara heard voices, one familiar voice in particular.

"It- it was an accident you know." Said Warren in a trembling voice.

"Oh. You mean instead of killing my best friend, you killed my girlfriend." Willow said with a mock tone of understanding. Tara's heart suddenly felt like it was made of pure steel and would crush all of her insides. She wanted to be somewhere else anywhere else but here, but she couldn't find it in herself to leave, to go back to where Leo would undoubtedly be wondering where she was. Against all of her better judgment Tara took a few hasty steps toward Willow and then was petrified by a blood curdling scream and she stopped dead in her tracks. Tara's initial instincts were to turn and run but her love for Willow compelled her to go in the direction that the noise had originated. She had barely taken 5 steps before a cloud of bright baby blue lights appeared in front her.

"What are you doing?" Leo asked in a temperamental voice. Tara immediately took a defensive tone that lost its effectiveness with the return of her stutter.

"I-I d-didn't mm-mean t-to! Leo sighed and let his head hang for a moment, and then he began to speak again but with a softer tone than before. "I know, but you wanted to come here or else you wouldn't be here." His facial expression stiffened as he looked to Tara for a reply.

"I was concentrating on the hula-hoop but I guess that all I really wanted was to be with her that is all I ever want when we are apart." Tara looked to Leo with a sincere expression and tears slid freely down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away with her sleeve.

"Well it is good thing that you are new to orbing otherwise we would have had a serious problem; if she had seen you, if you had stopped her from..." He stopped because he had already said too much. Tara knew that she should just drop it but she couldn't and now that it was about Willows future her stutter dissipated before she had even spoke.

"Stopped her from what?" Leo looked down at his watch less wrist and was about to say something but Tara stopped him from speaking by raising her voice and surprising even herself. "If I had stopped her from what, Leo?" Leo was taken aback by Tara's assertiveness and felt like he owed her something. With a sigh he started walking and beckoned Tara to follow

"Warren…was evil… right down to his very core, he had no soul at all, just a normal human being with a normal life and yet he lacked the one thing that makes human beings different from most other creatures. He had a good childhood and had just about anything he could ever want, but when he teamed up with Jonathan and that blonde guy, something happened… He it is kind of like he fell in love with the power and it swallowed him and that insatiable lust for more power swallowed the tiny bit of good that he had in him to begin with and showed him for what he really is.

"You see," he said looking at Tara for the first time since the conversation had begun, "in a way Warren was worse than any demon imaginable because he was simply human… a human without a soul." As they walked further into the woods questions popped into Tara's mind, even though the original one hadn't been answered she decided to ask different one any way.

"How is that even possible, I mean a soulless human?" Tara's stutter was starting to disappear completely now that she was beginning to feel more at ease around Leo. Leo simply shrugged to the question.

"No one really knows how it happened but it doesn't matter, what's done is done." He pulled off a branch from rotting tree and began to fiddle around with it as he conversed once again. "If I you had been quicker to go to Willow she would have stopped, Buffy would have come and taken Warren to jail; in jail he would have plotted with every criminal around him and brought about the end of the world, all because you would have asked Willow to stop, and she would have." Tara felt a rush of different emotions; anger towards herself for orbing to the wrong place, pity for Warren, although he didn't deserve it and gratefulness towards Leo, for being so understanding of the situation that she had gotten herself into. Leo offered Tara his hand again and she looked at it inquisitively. Leo quickly responded with saying, "Just as a guide, and besides I have to introduce you to the sisters, remember?" Tara nodded quickly and they orbed back to the Halliwell manor just as three young women were walking through the front door, arguing.


	6. Introductions

"Paige! I cannot believe that you let that demon get away, the fact that we have to do this whole thing again tomorrow is your fault." A tall dark haired woman said to a red head that walked in behind her. Leo had indicated the brunette to be the eldest of the three and also his wife, Piper.

"My fault, how exactly was it my fault?" Paige said in a defensive tone. With that Leo cleared his throat to gain the attention of the two bickering siblings and they looked to Tara with an accusing expression on their faces; all accept one who smiled and waved. Tara put on her lob-sided smile and waved back as Leo began the introductions.

"Guys this is Tara, she is a new white-lighter and now you all are her charges." Tara and Leo both saw the girls were not happy so he jumped in with an explanation before they could attack him. "I'm still your white-lighter too but you guys can be a handful to watch over so the elders thought that I could use some extra help. Having Tara here will also give me more time to be with Wyatt." He directed this last statement to Piper and she gave him an understanding nod gesturing for him to continue. "Tara this is Piper, Paige and Phoebe," he specified each of the girls as he said their names; Phoebe had been the one who had waved to her.

"Hi." Tara smiled and leaned her head down to hide behind her hair as she often did before she had met Willow. She felt foolish for hiding from these seemingly nice people. She looked to Leo for reassurance and he nodded. Tara walked forward to shake each one of the girls' hands and say her _nice to meet you's_. And after that the inquisition began.

"Where were you from before you became a white-lighter?" Piper asked

"Sunnydale."

"How old were you?" Phoebe prompted

"22"

"How did you die?" Paige burst out as she handed Tara a glass of water. Everybody turned and glared at her and she shrugged with a guilty look on her face, "What, we were all wondering." Leo looked to Tara who simply nodded and turned to answer Paige. Before she did she looked down at her previously blood stained shirt to find that it was clean. Then she continued on with her answer.

"It's ok, I don't mind" she directed towards Paige who then gave her an apologetic look, then she continued with her reply, "I was shot, but the guy who did it is dead now." Her mind immediately went towards the scream that she had heard in the woods barely an hour ago and with that she thought of Willow, and in her head all that she could possibly think was 'how could she have done that? My sweet and innocent Willow, at the thought of her name the beautiful face of the red haired green eyed woman that she loves so much.

After a few moments of reminiscing she came out of her temporary catatonic state but Phoebe saying, "Well that's karma for you I guess."

"More like vengeance." Tara said facetiously before actually realizing what had come out of her mouth. She finally admitted it to herself, Willow killed Warren. When the sisters began to look at her inquisitively she felt obligated to explain but she looked to Leo with a pleading face to make sure it was ok. "Well, um… M-my girlfriend, Willow k-killed him." Saying this statement out loud made her stutter come back slightly but she became more comfortable with the sisters and the stutter slowly dissipated. "Y-you see she is a witch and…" Tara's eyes began to sting, but she didn't want to cry so she once again hid behind her hair, but not before she saw Leo signal the others to drop the topic. At this the room fell silent and Leo gave Piper a look that she knew well a look said 'I need to talk to you in private.'

They walked into the kitchen together and Leo began to speak. "Can she stay here?" he asked in a sincere voice that showed serious concern for his new friend, and although it was his house he felt the need to ask his wife first, who instead of responding immediately looked to her husband for further clarification. Leo sighed looking for a place to start. "Tara still has her witch powers, which is very rare, so with that she can sense Willow, without practice and without even trying. The elders have instructed her not to see her, but when she was orbing she accidentally went to Willow because they are drawn to each other. If she even has a dream that takes her to Willow then it is possible for her to actually go to her. I need to be able to keep an eye on her and we both need to be able to keep an eye on the three of you. Please?"

After that Piper gave in with a nod and they leaned in to kiss each other when the phone rang and Piper reached over to answer it.

"Hello?"


	7. Phone Call

Leo left the room to check that Tara wasn't being grilled by the other two witches and to give her the good news.

"Yes hello I am so sorry to bother you, I got you number out of the phone book but," the man on the other line let out a large sigh and then continued, "My name is Rupert Giles and I need your help."

"What kind of help?" Piper asked rudely.

"Yes well you see, I hear that you are a great witch coven and I have a friend who has become seriously engulfed by her magics and she needs, well sort of a magical rehab."

"Look Rupert if your friend needs magical rehab, this is the last place that you want to send her, we have magic coming out of our a-"

"Well I suppose that was a bad metaphor, but she needs more help controlling her magic and I have been told that you are very powerful and can help her to better control her powers and help her focus them on something more productive."

"Alright I will have to ask to make sure that you aren't some kind of demon that is trying to kill us. Can you give me a number to call you back at?" They exchanged their information and Piper decided to trust Tara to ask the elders about this Rupert guy before she told the others about the phone call she had received. When they all went off to bed Piper pulled Tara to the side.

"I got a phone call from a guy named Rupert Giles," Tara's heart started beating faster but she kept her composure, "I wanted you to go and check with the elders and make sure that he isn't a demon trying to kill us, you know?" Tara nodded absolutely ecstatic on the inside. "But don't tell Leo yet."

"Ok." Tara said thinking of a plan. "What did this guy want?"

"He wants us to help one of his friends learn how to control her magic. Ok so let me know what they say, ok?" Tara gave a quick nod and orbed outside and started to walk around the block as she walked she began to mumble to think out loud.

"Oh my god, oh my god! What am I doing?" Her pace quickened and her mind fumbled with though after thought about how she shouldn't even think about doing what she was doing. But then she was hit by a confusing thought, "Maybe it isn't her, I mean Giles knows plenty of witches." The thought was full of confliction, she had hope that it was another witch and yet absolutely hated the idea that it could be any one else but _her_. She knew that she couldn't go to the elders because they wouldn't let her come, and although she hated herself for it, in her eyes she didn't have a choice.

After an immeasurable amount of time Tara orbed back into the house to see that Piper was waiting for her in the living room. In that moment Tara had wished that she had rehearsed or something but was still confident that her plan would work, she looked at Piper who had stood in response to her orbing in and began to tell her what the 'elders' had said about Giles. "They said that he is what he says he is. He wants to bring a witch here so that you can help her control her magic." Tara was surprised at the fact that she hadn't stuttered once.

"Who is the witch?"

"They didn't say, just that it was ok to let her come as long as it is ok with you."

"Well ok, I guess it is a good thing that we have 2 guest bedrooms then, we should probably go to bed." Tara looked at the clock and it was 2 o'clock in the morning, so she nodded. Piper led Tara to her new bedroom and lent her some pajamas and said that they would get her some clothes of her own tomorrow.

Before Piper went to bed herself she went back downstairs to call Giles, somehow knowing that he would still be awake at this hour. After the first few rings he answered in his English accent and Piper told him that he could bring his witch friend, and after exchanging all of the practical details she hung up the phone and went to sleep.


	8. Sleep

Tara fell into an uneasy sleep but was soon comforted by her dreams. While she slept, it felt more like her dream was a reality; everything about it seemed real, the smell of the air and the essence of the familiar room that she found herself in. Tara walked around to the other side of the bed to see Willow's face contorted with pure agony. For the first time since she had become a white-lighter she was in actual pain, simply because of the fact she knew Willow was hurting. Tara looked up in panic when she heard Buffy and Dawn talking as they walked down the short hallway that led to the bedroom she now stood in. Buffy walked in, followed by Dawn who went to lie down on the sleeping bag on the floor. Tara had gone unnoticed and decided to try to get the attention of the slayer before she went to sleep, so she quietly called out her name but Buffy didn't respond. Intent on getting her attention, Tara stepped in front of Buffy so that she could be seen. Instead of reacting, Buffy just turned and stared worriedly at her best friend whimpering in her sleep. For the first time, Tara realized she was dreaming, however she knew it wasn't a normal dream. As she came to the conclusion that she was having some kind of vision vision, Buffy began to speak in a low voice.

"Don't worry Will, we are going to you get the help that you need, ok? I promise everything will be alright." With that she walked out of the room and Tara, apart from a sleeping Dawn, was alone with the sleeping Willow.

"She's right you know," Tara said in a gentle loving voice, "you're going to come see me, and Piper, Phoebe and Paige are going to help you." She leaned down to try to touch Willow's face but realized that she wasn't in corporeal form, and she wished more than anything that she could just touch Willow one more time until they would see each other again. With that she could suddenly feel the air around her and she knew she would be in trouble, but she didn't care. She sat lightly on the edge of the bed and touched Willow's cheek lightly. As soon as their skin connected the tension caused by pain on Willows face had melted away. Tara, deciding to push her luck, leant forward and placed a light kiss on Willows forehead. At the moment that she pulled away she heard Buffy coming down the hall and she tried to orb out. She became surrounded by blue lights but she only ended up rematerializing in the exact place that she had been trying to leave. The only place that Tara really wanted to be was with Willow, but she couldn't be seen. She began to think that that the next day Willow would actually be able to see her, and with great effort she concentrated on the bedroom she had been sleeping in and at the exact moment that Buffy crossed the threshold of the door she orbed out and was back in the unfamiliar room that she had fallen asleep in, and Leo was waiting for her in the corner.

"H-hi Leo" Tara said in slight terror. She thought about lying when Leo started to speak.

"You saw her." It wasn't a question and his face wasn't angry, it was disappointed. Before he could express his dissatisfaction verbally his expression changed, it was worried. Suddenly Tara dropped to her knees, unable to breath. In the midst of her gasping for air she was able to utter the words:

"Willow's …hurt"

"Ok, concentrate," Leo said in a calming voice, "how is she hurt? Does she need to be healed, I can go help her for y-" he was cut off by Tara's sudden deep breaths of air and was puzzled by what had just happened. "Tara, what happened?" he asked in the vein hope that she would actually know.

"I don't know, but I can tell that she is ok now, she couldn't breathe." Tara concentrated on her thoughts of Willow trying to 'sense' her, as the elders had put it. She didn't have to try hard; she instantly felt the same physical, emotional, and mental pain and exhaustion Willow was feeling and looked up at Leo with suddenly weary, miserable eyes. "Is sensing someone always so intense?" Tara asked. Sensing the sudden change in Tara he knew exactly what she meant by the question. He simply shook his head with a perplexed look.

"I will go check with the elders to see if they can help remove the ties between you two, you shouldn't have gone to see her, it made your mystical bond stronger."

"HEY!" Tara cried in a defensive tone before Leo had the chance to orb, he turned to look at Tara with a face full of bewilderment. "I'm not supposed to see her, but I can barely stay away from her while I am sound asleep. I didn't mean to visit her, but I was dreaming and I had a vision or something then all I wanted to do was touch her and I just took corporeal form in the room. I watched her sleep and I kissed her forehead, that is all that I did!" her voice was full of anger and envy; Leo gets to see whoever he wants whenever he wants, and it isn't fair. "If I can't see her I want to be able to feel what she is feeling, that way if I know she is in danger, I can prevent her from getting hurt. And if she does get seriously hurt, I will go to her!"

Leo walked forward to retaliate, but he had nothing to say, he knew he couldn't physically prevent Tara from seeing Willow but the elders could. He turned around at the sound of Piper's voice.

"What are you guys arguing about? It's 4 in the morning." In a sort of role reversal Leo turned towards Tara, unsure of what to say.

"I saw Willow, but it was an accident, Leo got mad, and I defended myself, that's all."

Piper turned to Leo signaling him to go back to bed with her, and as they crawled into bed Piper made a siimple statement, "Imagine how it would be if you could never see me again. You wouldn't' be able to stay away for more than an hour." He sighed in defeat and realized how strong that Tara actually had been so far and he decided not to tell the elders, only to ask them for a way to keep Tara form astral projecting during her sleep.

* * *

The instant that Tara left Willow's side Buffy entered the room to find Willow thrashing violently in her sleep. Panicking she moved to restrain Willow and try to wake her from her nightmare. After a few moments of coaxing Willow from her dream she sat up gasping for air. Willow's breathing steadied after Buffy had asked her what was wrong, and looked worriedly for a reply.

"Tara was here." Was all she could say. She knew that she sounded crazy but she didn't care. Seeing the confusion on Buffy's face Willow began to elaborate as tears rolled freely down her face, "I was dreaming and she came to me in my dream, b-but it was more than that because she said that I was going to see her and it felt real. When she left I couldn't breathe, and now that I'm awake I know she was actually here because I can feel her essence. Buffy it wasn't just a dream." She looked to her friend with a tearstained, pleading face begging for her to believe her.

"Willow right now you need your sleep, you can tell me about it in the morning when we drive down to San Francisco." Buffy said as she stroked Willow's flaming red hair. She crept onto the bed and held Willow. As she began to fall back asleep, Buffy began to hum to herself, which seemed to have a peaceful effect on Willow and soon Buffy too began to drift into sleep. Only to be woken up an hour later by her own internal clock and she checked the real clock on the edge of the table which read 5:00 a.m. She gently slid out from under Willow's sleeping head that was in her lap and went to gather all of Willow's things to allow her and Buffy's sister to get some more rest for the road trip they would be leaving for in two hours. She walked downstairs and smiled at Xander and Giles who had slept on the floor in the living room.

After putting Willow's duffle bag in the trunk of the car she began to make snacks for the journey. After this it was about six and she decided to make pancakes for everyone. At the thought of the common breakfast food the color drained from her face and tears flowed down Buffy's pale cheeks. She thought to herself 'Tara always made pancakes for everyone before…' she refused to let herself finish the thought.

* * *

Sorry it took so long for the update, but this chapter is longer than the others. Please review


	9. Pancakes

Paige was the first one out and about in the Halliwell household that morning, and hearing the sound of footsteps Tara felt it was save to exit her room. After the incident that night she felt that it would be better if she didn't go back to bed and she had only been up extra three hours. She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where she saw read hair popping out from behind the door of the refrigerator, and smiled at fond memories. She was recalling the mornings when she would find Willow attempting to make breakfast then was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of Paige groaning.

"There is nothing to eat!" she yelled closing the refrigerator door. She was startled by Tara standing there silently watching the charade. "AH- my god! You scared me."

"Sorry" Tara said stifling a laugh "I can help with the whole nothing to eat thing though." She said with a bright smile, "Do you like pancakes?" she asked moving towards the pantry. Paige nodded excitedly and helped Tara gather all the supplies. Tara quickly became unaware of Paige standing next to her and as she mixed the batter she began to hum a song that she had been thinking of last night. Quickly her humming turned into quiet singing:

_I saw a world enchanted_  
_Spirits and charms in the air_  
_I always took for granted_  
_I was the only one there_  
_But your power shone_  
_Brighter than any I__'__ve known_  
_I__'__m under your spell_  
_Nothing I can do_  
_You just took my soul with you_  
_You worked your charm so well_  
_Finally, I knew_  
_Everything I dreamed was true_  
_You make me believe_  
_The moon to the tide_  
_I can feel you inside_  
_I__'__m under your spell_  
_Surging like the sea_  
_Wanting you so helplessly_  
_I break with every swell_  
_Lost in ecstasy_  
_Spread beneath my willow tree_

"You have a pretty voice, what are you singing?" Paige asked coyly, she saw that Tara was slightly embarrassed but she wanted to know what the song was because she liked it.

"Thanks, and its nothing, just a song," Tara said avoiding the subject, which was slightly difficult to explain; yeah my friend Xander summoned a demon that turns life into a musical and I sang that to Willow unaware of the fact that I was actually under her spell. In retrospect it was relatively simple but she didn't feel like answering the questions about the demon Paige would have inevitably asked. She began to pour the batter then a question popped into her head, "Funny shapes? Or rounds?" as soon as the words left her mouth a she felt a stab of emotional pain go straight into her gut. She winced from the pain she knew wasn't her own. She flinched partially in embarrassment and partly from the unexpected pain. Tara had been embarrassed by the fact that she asked a grown woman that ridiculous question. "Sorry that is a dumb question." She said slightly depressed that she would never ask that question to Dawn again.

"Funny shapes please." Paige said with a child like smile on her face. Tara was slightly surprised by the answer, but in the very short time that she had known Paige she figured that if anyone would have an inner child, it would be the youngest of the sisters. Still worried about Willow she began to concentrate to find out exactly what caused the emotional pain, but just realized that she was grieving. Also that Willow's depression was in waves, depression, and then the moments where it goes to extreme depression. At the moment that Tara felt another wave of Willow's emotions and Phoebe walked into the kitchen.

The moment Phoebe walked into the room she fell to her knees looking at Tara while clutching her head as Paige immediately went to her side.

"How can you stand it?" How can you just sit there and be so calm? There not even my emotion and I am about to have a nervous breakdown."Paige looked back and forth between Tara and Phoebe with a confused look. She only partly knew what was going on but that wasn't enough to explain what had just happened. As Phoebe regained her composure she slowly rose to her feet and began to speak between deep, slow breaths. "What are you feeling right now?" Phoebe asked Tara intuitively.

"Confused" Tara replied simply

"No, you feel anger, despair, self hatred and… something else that I can't describe." Tara looked absolutely taken aback by Phoebe's accusations. "I'm an empath, I know exactly what you are feeling, and it is the most intense feeling that I have ever had." Instantly Tara knew what had happened.

"That isn't how I'm feeling, those aren't my emotions. They're Willow's." Phoebe and Paige both looked puzzled so Tara began to explain further, "I think it was because we had such a magical connection when I was alive that it just stayed with me, I don't even have to try to sense her.

"Willow, Willow you need to wake up." Dawn whispered as she gently shook the sleeping Willow. She opened her eyes and to Dawns surprise got right up, she usually stayed in bed for a while after waking up. Dawn walked down the stairs and into the kitchen with Willow close behind. Dawn quickly sat down to eat while Willow froze in the doorway full of pain from memories. She smelled the pancakes and quickly remembered the occurrences of last night. Pancakes always reminded of Tara, even before she died.

"Morning Willow." Buffy said sweetly, "Do you want some breakfast."

"I'm not hungry." Willow stated coldly felling the rush of pain stab itself into her abdomen

"Will, come on you have to eat." Willow scowled at Buffy and took a seat at the table. After placing a plate of pancakes in front of Willow Buffy went to pack the car and talk to Giles.

"Giles I think we should drag the trip out. Make it last a few days, that way we can get Willow out for a while. She isn't doing too well."

"She is doing as well as could possibly be expected, Buffy. After Tara… I am surprised that she is even willing to go to San Francisco. I think it best we get her there as soon as possible."

_ Do they think that I can't hear them? She has slayer ears, I have witch ears. I don't care anymore; I don't want to do anything. I am going to these other witches because she would have wanted me to. I think. I can't feel anything anymore. My body is numb and all that I can think about is that __**I **__lost her. She broke up with me because of my magic. She came back because I stopped the magic. And she can see me now, I know that she can, she can see what the magic has done to me. She died because of me. I should have died. Tara would have been stronger than me. My legs move and take me to the car but my mind is still stuck on how this whole thing is my fault. It's raining as we leave the town, I wanna say oops because I am making it happen, but once again I just don't care and I don't know how I am doing it. Three miles out of Sunnydale the soothing voice that sang to me on the bridge so long ago found its way into my thoughts. Her voice just as cheerful as the first day she sang to me, on the outside, but on the inside there was a pain that could only be seen if you have felt it, my pain. _

Despite the deeper pain that was most defiantly being felt by her lover, wherever she was, she welcomed the lullaby and fell into a deep peaceful sleep. Pain continued to sting at her during the dreams where she could feel her. Feel Tara. As the car sped forward with Giles driving and Buffy upfront, Willow continued sleeping in the back leaning on Xander with Dawn next to her.


	10. Arival

I have finally come out of hibernation, and i am sooooooo sorry for making you all wait especially with all of the awesome reviews you guys have been giving me, and i will be sure to update at least once a month because school and AP classes are kicking my ass. Enjoy :)

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The sudden stop of the car jerked Willow from her dream and she almost screamed from being removed from the peace of sleep in such a violent manor. Surprisingly enough she had slept the entire 5 hour drive to San Francisco comforted by what she had heard Tara say the previous night; 'You're going to come see me.' She had this numbing thought that it meant she was going to die, but given the current situation she found that to be a comforting thought. It wasn't until Dawn blatantly stated that they had arrived that she realized why they had stopped. She looked out of the window and there it was, the Halliwell Manor. If it weren't for the circumstances at hand she might have actually been excited to meet the witches she had read so much about, all the evil they had fought; now some might say that she was evil. Willow certainly thought so. With everything that she had done some arguments could be made that she deserved a big fat check mark in the "not so good" column. Once again as they approached the door she let herself go on autopilot, up the walk way to the steps, all the way up to the door.

When Buffy put her fist up to knock on the door, her motions were interrupted by a loud crashing followed by a scream. Letting her slayer instincts get the better of her, again, Buffy kicked the door down to find a massive fight going on. Immediately she attacked the first demon she saw. With it being distracted by the fight at hand she was able to throw a swift kick to its jaw and stake it before it hit the ground. In the same instant that the demon burst into flames the fight between three witches and several other demons also ended with spontaneous combustion and the three girls turned to stare at Buffy.

"Sorry, I'll be sure to pay for that" Buffy said pointing towards the door, "I heard the fighting and I thought I might be able to help. Let me try that again. I'm Buffy this is…."

"Where is she?" Piper said with an edge to her voice.

Willow walked through the door knowing that the woman was referring to her. Somehow she felt…safe, like everything was going to be ok. Only one person had been able to make her feel that way just by being in the same room, perfectly content and happy. Willow extended her right hand to greet the older woman, "I assume you are referring to me? I'm Willow." Her voice was sincere, yet distracted.

Meanwhile Phoebe and Paige had been injured slightly and went upstairs to have Leo heal them. When they had fully ascended the stairs they went to find Tara instead. When they found here she was frozen in fear, joy, and confliction and had tears flowing down her face with a smile that faded in and out.

"Tara? What's wrong?" Phoebe asked cautiously "I am getting a lot of emotions here, and I don't know which ones are yours."

The sound of Phoebe's voice broke Tara out of her semi-catatonic trance. "Nothing, I'm fine," She said unconvincingly and then saw the cut on Phoebe's face and the burn on Paige's arm. "But you're not, you guys are hurt. I'm not sure I can heal you guys, but I'll try." She said knowing why they were here. Her instincts took over and she looked down at her now golden hands and placed them over the afflicted area. When she moved on to Paige's arm she began to speak again. "I need you guys to not hate me. I couldn't help it, I'm sorry but it was something I had to do, and the elders are probably going to kill me for it." The two sisters stared after her in confusion as she began to descend the stairs. As she reached the bottom she saw the amazing red hair of Willow. Her Willow. Her heart filled with joy and she let out a small sigh as Willow turned and stumbled backwards at the sight before her. Willow regained her composure and walked slowly towards Tara, her mouth agape. She reached out to touch the blonde's cheek and half expected her to melt into nothingness at the touch. When her palm finally made contact with the soft skin on her lover's face she broke down into tears. Tara impulsively pulled Willow into her arms and felt more than a half a dozen pairs of eyes staring at them, but she didn't care, nothing else matterd as Willow began to choke out words between sobs.

"How? You died in my arms. Oh god!" Willow exclaimed with a look of regret on her face as she acknowledged the events that occured after that. "i'm so sorry. oh god what have I done?." as she went into full bable made Tara lifted her chin and looked into those beautiful emerald eyes as willow continued to ramble. she leaned forward and placed a gentle, placating kiss on Willow's lips knowing that was the only way to soothe her.

"Shhh, sweetie, its alright, I mean I understand. but your here to get better, and I might not be able to help you. I bent the only rule that I was given by bringing you her and-"

"You think you only 'bent' the rule? you full out broke it!," Piper began to lash out. "Do you have any idea what you've done? Leo!"

"Piper, you have no reason to be yelling at me! You don't know the situation that I was in. The Elders said I couldn't see her, no one ever said anything about her seeing me." at this Leo orbed in and simultaneously stopped all of the shouting.


End file.
